UNTIL LOVE FINDS YOU | UNDERSTAND SUBMISSION

Dearest lady,

I used to think I was all up for the submission thing until I begun writing about it. I realised that I was asking myself questions that I did not have answers to.

I had a chit-chat with a few ladies to find out what they understood about the topic.

Lady 1

“I get scared thinking about submission because I fear the man will take advantage of me. A woman submits, tends to the home, yet, the man cheats, abuses and often leaves. I find it hard to imagine who the Proverbs 31 woman was.”

Lady 2

“I dare say that love is submission, so both man and wife should be submissive, first to God, then to each other.”

Lady 3

“I’m scared because I feel I may think I’m submissive, but I don’t know what will come up in the marriage, and whether I will actually be submissive or not. Hearing other people’s stories, it’s like you can never be prepared.”

Lady 4

“I think most men abuse it. They always mention women should submit but they forget the Bible asked them to love. I believe once a woman is submissive to her husband and he doesn’t show true love and respect to his wife, submitting becomes difficult.”

Then I proceeded to study more and listen to several anointed pastors on the topic. Ultimately, I talked a lot with the Holy Spirit to teach me. I know that a lot of the things I’ll say here are things I will be tested on when I get married.

First, every real godly lady must submit herself to her man, her husband. You don’t have a choice in this matter. The only real choice you have is in the kind of head you will choose for your lifetime.

The bride of Christ, which is the church, has no choice when it comes to submitting to Christ. As a Christian, you don’t have a choice when it comes to submitting yourself to Christ. You will come to find out that once you embark on the Christianity journey and you constantly refuse to submit to Jesus, the Holy Spirit and the Father, your life will be filled with chaos, hardship and the absence of peace. The only choice you have is whether you choose Jesus, or any other religious deity.

This is the fundamental principle in marriage, dear girl.

So, once you choose that man, no matter who he is, your mandate is to submit to him. There should be no “buts” or “ifs”. The apostles of old submitted themselves to the will of God until some of them were killed in all sorts of horrendous ways. Your husband will not be God, but the instruction is in black and white and I cannot circumvent it.

That said, you should choose your head wisely. Submission becomes less of a punishment when you have a good head. He must first be born again and be submitted to the authority of Christ. He must be submitted to the word of God. He should be able to be constrained by the word of God, convicted by it, and moved by it.

Many of us ladies like ‘bad boys’ but these bad boys do not submit themselves to the word of God. Your greatest disappointment will be finding out that your husband cannot obey the word of God, or is not attuned to the instruction of the Holy Spirit.

I’m not saying a truly godly man is perfect. I’m saying that a truly godly man will strive to love you the way God tells him in His word, and that will make submission easier for you.

He should also be teachable. A man’s greatest foe is his ego. Some men simply are not teachable. When they are on their way, walking into fire, and you try to draw their attention to it, they find it hard to simply back off or divert. They foolishly walk into the fire and go like ‘oh wow! This looks like fire”. Dear girl, you don’t want this.

A teachable man will make room for your counsel. He knows listening to you does not lower his authority in your eyes. He knows that a king has many counsellors. And what is the use of the “suitable helpmate” God gave him, if he would not consider her advice? Of course, there is the dynamic of how you as a lady convey the message to him. But that’s a topic for another day.

These two traits; submission to authority and teachability are the first traits you should look for in a man. Then there are many others which I cannot mention. But these two will help a long way.

What is submission?

Submission is the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

It is your ability to bring your power under authority. So, it does not mean you have no power. Women wield a tremendous amount of power. That is why we had to be instructed by the Bible to yield.

We’ve been saying that a woman’s role is like the Holy Spirit’s. Watch this. Have you realised that the Holy Spirit does not impose His will on you? Have you realised that whenever you are on the wrong path and He nudges you, but you ignore Him, He remains still? Then you go and do whatever it is you wish to do, get into trouble and come running back to Him?

I am not saying that the Holy Spirit is submitted to us. I’m showing you what submission looks like in a way that resonates with you. He brings His tremendous power under the authority of our stubbornness. The good thing is that He doesn’t leave us to our stupidity. He finds ways to get us back in His arms. And that is how your role as a submissive wife should be. Yielding to the will of your husband, ever so gently. But using wisdom to help him when you think he is leading you into danger. 

So why did the Bible instruct husbands to love and wives to submit? Because marriage is supposed to reflect Christ’s relationship with the church. It only works when the head loves, and the bride submits. Imagine a church that does not obey God’s word.

We believe that God is good. His plans for us are to make our lives beautiful and we are assured of eternal life, and that’s why we follow Him and submit to Him. Likewise, you must believe that your husband is going to lead you to a good destination. So choose wisely.

I believe the man must love first, then the woman's submission follows. After all, man was created first. Also, God loved us first. Love should always lead. Then submission will follow and help. So again, choose wisely!

But guess what! Adam didn’t know he needed Eve. He had no idea what love meant. So in a man’s purest form, loving a woman isn’t in his dictionary. Our men need to understand what love means for us. In fact, love means an entirely different thing for a man. Read my very short post on understanding what love means to him here.

I will conclude with a contribution from an amazing daughter of the King.

When I got married, I realised that your husband becomes your covering. Before marriage, you’re under the covering of your guardians and sometimes we don’t even realise it because we usually focus on the covering of our spiritual leaders.

So, this young man becomes your covering and if he is not a loving, honourable, disciplined and of course, God-fearing man, it can cause so much misery for you. I think lots of women, especially “strong, independent and ambitious” ones are iffy about the submission thing because many men use it to stifle women and control them in a way that is not reflective of God’s word or love. 

But if you submit to a good man, a man who recognizes that his woman is a blessing, a man who loves God in action and heart, you will flourish.

I have seen my husband grow in my submission. Having to make tough decisions, taking his role as my covering very seriously, and respecting and loving me beyond what I saw in five years of dating. 

                                                                                                                Delali

Personally, my take from this post on submission is CHOOSE WISELY. Yes, you cannot know a man hundred percent before he marries you, but do what you can to choose wisely, by investing a lot of prayer, seeking counsel, and dating wisely.

Because once you choose, you must submit. And you must do it with joy!