UNTIL LOVE FINDS YOU | CLOTHE YOURSELF IN FINE LINEN

Dear girl, today, I am addressing the “I cannot afford clothes” sisters who make zero effort to look attractive. I just want to tell you that you are a loser and a disgrace to the King. Yes! Flinch. Be upset. Cuss me in your head or under your breath but I must serve you the truth.

The only reason I can say this to you is because for the longest time in my life, I was like that too. A peek into my life: I did not grow up with my parents. I was with my aunt. I was barely allowed to go anywhere as a child and teenager. Many times, my friends or classmates would organise events, birthday parties and I never bothered to ask about them because I knew I would not be allowed out of the house.

This means I barely had use for clothes. The only clothes I wore were my school uniform, ‘kaba and slit’ which I utterly detested, and whatever clothes I wore at home. I guess that is why I could not care much about what I wore. Plus, I was quite a lanky little girl and most of my clothes were oversized. I really did not enjoy wearing clothes.

In my early twenties, anytime I saw other ladies dressed up nicely and looking very attractive, I’d lie to myself that they had a lot of time on their hands and could afford those clothes. I, on the other hand, had no time because I was in law school, working at the same time and could not spend my money on fancy clothes.

Guess what, that was an absolute lie. The truth is that I did not think I knew how to dress. I had a complex. I was afraid I’d come out looking like a clown if I attempted it. I knew I was just afraid. But I managed to lie to myself for so many years, thinking my face (which I believe is very pretty) would make up for my lack of taste in fashion. Well, I lied to myself until a guy I dated told me point blank to up my game. My ego felt like it had sat on a bomb that exploded.

I wept. Lol. Then I got mad at him. What did he mean by I had poor taste in fashion? Who the hell was he to say that to me!!!??? EGO.

So, it took another two years before I admitted to myself that I was being a fool.

Men are attracted by what they see, true and if you want to have a man’s attention you show him nice things. Your beautiful face is not enough. Your curvy body is not enough. Your runway model figure does not cut it. You have to carry it in class and style. Quality men go for class and style, not skimpy and crass.

But better than a man’s opinion, is how you represent your father. As a daughter of the King, it is your royal duty to be clothed in fine linen. Look around for the nearest princess in your neighbourhood or country and tell me whether she gallivants in anything short of classy clothing.

The Bible said of the virtuous woman that

“She clothes herself in fine linen and purple.”

The operating word is fine. Don’t wear just anything and be walking in the streets. Your appearance should be becoming of a princess.

If you know deep down in your heart that you don’t know how to pair your clothes or style yourself, learn. Ask your friends to help you.

Go on the internet. Seek out a stylist. This can be a young and upcoming designer. There are many of them on Instagram nowadays. Follow their pages, observe their style and if it connects with your spirit, send a message, call them or book an appointment. Tell them you want to vamp your wardrobe and you’ll be grateful if they could help you with a few tips.

Secondly, learn about your body type. You’ve heard this many times but I doubt you have been intentional about it. Personally, I am mostly an hour-glass. It took years for me to understand that I am not supposed to wear clothes that have a lot going on at the bust because I am naturally blessed with an ample amount of bust and I appear unflattering when I wear clothes with a chaotic bust region.

My appearance changed the moment I took that tip seriously and started avoiding round necks, frills etc and focusing on buying V necks, and off-shoulder dresses. Several google searches would give you all the information you need.

Please, your clothes do not have to cost you your neck. You can get very affordable, classy clothing if you will make good use of social media. Check on Instagram or just ask your friends. We all have friends who wear very pretty clothes. Swallow your pride, darling, and ask.

Next, your dental hygiene. I will try hard not to be harsh but PLEASE! Keep your mouth clean. We all know when we do not have good breath. This is one of my worst pet peeves. I truly cannot stand offensive smells. And the mouth is such a delicate and precious place that needs to be kept clean. I struggle so much when I have to hold my breath anytime someone is talking to me and their breath is bad.

Granted, some people have a condition called halitosis. If you have this, please seek medical help. Stop fasting and praying. That won’t cure it. God has given medical wisdom to some specialist to help you. Save up and go for that help. That is how you love yourself.

I am not sure whether or not people can tell when their bodies give off foul smells. I have concluded that some people cannot tell. But it is so hard to tell them sometimes. I don’t know why I have shame associated with it but I realise that I could get a panic attack if I tried to tell a friend that she smells bad. If you have any tips on how to do this, please message me. I would really appreciate it. I don’t appreciate the buying anti-perspirant as a gift to the person lol. I think it is so rude.

Your make up. Hm! Can you just watch Youtube videos and learn how to draw your eyebrows, please? And keep trying till you get it. Stop coming out with eyebrows looking like angry tidal waves. The men and I beg you. Alternatively, go to a good salon and have it waxed nicely so that you don't really have to draw it. And for God's sake, get the right shade of pencil if you insist on drawing. 

When in doubt, just ask okay? Pride will make you fall. Shyness is also not cute. Shyness that makes you have ugly makeup is really not cute. 

Your hair. Should I say it all? Just respect yourself. What I have come to learn is that all of this is really hinged on self-love. When you don’t put in time and effort to look good and feel good, you have zero love for yourself. Simple. Argue with your screen if you want. I keep saying I have been there, done that. I can argue more than you possibly could.

Love yourself.

Love yourself.

Love your freaking self!!!! Read my post about loving yourself here.

No man will love you if you do not love yourself. They will use you and that will be your fault. Because you are not a child.

All of this is hinged on the scripture in 1 Corinthians 6:19.

 “Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself but to God. He bought you with a price. So use your bodies for God’s glory”

He is beauty, and He created beauty. Beauty lives in Him. He personifies beauty. Tell me your reason again for not presenting yourself in beauty?

Have you not noticed that people praise a man when his wife looks yummy? And you understand that the Bible says that the woman was made for the man and in marriage, her body belongs to him? Okay, so do the math. When you look attractive, God is glorified in your life. Not everyday spiritualising things, dearies. God created physical beauty too. In fact, all of it spiritual.

Finally, the entire 31^st chapter of Proverbs was a queen mother’s advice to her son who was to be a king. She was showing him what the woman who would do him good looks like. Thus, Proverbs 31, while we famously call her the virtuous woman, is the wife of a King. If you want to be a virtuous woman, imagine that your husband is a king and be guided. This mindset will help you in so many areas of your life. The way you talk, how you walk, behave with other men, homemaking skills, etc.

Stop buying expensive gifts for people while you buy cheap and basic things for yourself. If those people deserve expensive and beautiful gifts, so do you. You deserve the love you give to people.

So, girl, turn the spotlight on to yourself and shine. Because you were made to shine. Men adore you when you shine, and guess what, you’re a rare treasure when you shine both on the outside and inside.