UNTIL LOVE FINDS YOU | BECOME SINGLE

As single as a bottle of wine and be merry while you’re at it!

I’ll hit it a little hard today. Because I know there are so many of you still operating in my old mindset. Fear. Fear of not being pretty enough. Fear of not being sexy enough. Fear that no man will like you. Fear that your character is awful so you wouldn’t be chosen. Fear that your friends are better than you. Fear that EVERYONE around you seems to be in a happy relationship but you will end up lonely and sad. Fear that ALL the men got married in December 2020 despite Covid-19. Fear. Fear. Fear.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

If you do not become single now, you will stay single forever and even if you get married, you will probably be miserable in that marriage. Why? Because the mindset you are operating from (need I say it again? Fear) will cause you to fail even if the best man in the world decides to marry you.

When you operate from fear, you will most likely be chasing a man. You will be marrying on the wrong terms and 90% marrying the wrong person.

Girl, you must stay in your feminine powerful self and let the man chase you. And that is what being single is all about. If a man wants to be with you, you will know. You wouldn’t have to guess.

Okay, let me calm down.

Confession: I am currently upset by a story I heard about how some gentleman is sending highly confusing signals to a dear friend of mine. And I think my emotions are seeping into this article.

Let’s move.

As someone who operated in that loser mindset for a while, I am not here to judge you. I understand you more than you think.

So, why are you afraid of being alone? That reason is exactly why you should become single. Sit yourself down as many times as you must until you find why you are afraid to be alone.

Did you suffer sexual abuse or physical abuse as a child?

Did you feel neglected or abandoned by the people who were supposed to protect you?

Did you grow up in an environment where you were not allowed to speak up for yourself, for your needs and desires?

Are you from a broken home?

Did you observe domestic violence?

Are you a product of rape?

Did your father want you aborted? Or did your mother want to abort you herself?

Do you think you are less intelligent than your sisters or friends?

Did your parents constantly compare you with your siblings or friends?

Did you feel that no matter what you did you were not enough for your mum or dad?

It’s time for you to be honest with yourself. You have lived all these years supressing your greatest fear and pain. I know it is not your fault because you were merely a helpless child and you had to survive. Supressing your fears and pretending they did not exist helped you.

But this attitude is not going to serve you anymore. It is time to be real with yourself and switch up. And this is where becoming single begins.

The reason you won’t find the man of your dreams is because you are boring, and not single. Single in your mind. You need to have something going on in your life. Everyone wants to be happy. The man you dream of wants you to be happy. Have things going on for you that are exciting.

Being single means having so much time for yourself to explore your interests, your purpose as a woman and to use your God-given gifts. Every woman is gifted and that includes you. The fact that you don’t know your gift does not mean you don’t have any.

So don’t rush into a relationship out of fear. A lot of ladies are in relationships that they want to get out of. They are settling, and they know this, but they are too scared to speak up, get out and put in the work to have the relationship they truly desire. 

I have been in church all my life. Even though I strayed sometimes and lived carelessly. And in the name of being a nice church girl, I have been in some relationships which I very well knew was bad for me. I am not even talking about fornication here.

I speak of wrong matches. Incompatibility. Agreeing to date the guy because you have such a low self esteem that you did not think you could do better. And before anyone comes to bash me that I am speaking proudly, excuse me, why are men choosy as to who they go for? Why do they have standards for the woman they want but then when a woman is firm in the standard of a man she wants then she is labelled 'non-submissive'. 

I will leave this conversation for another. For now, Jesus loved you equally and the same amount of His blood that washes Raymond’s sins is exactly what washes yours too. Point is, both men and women are loved equally by God, so dear girl, have your standards aligned with God’s will and do not be ashamed for it. 

Now, I will tell you what singleness is not. Singleness is not being in an emotional entanglement. I am guilty of that so many times. You have that friend of the opposite sex that you talk to. You know you have feelings for him, but you don’t think it will work. He is also not forthcoming, or he is. So, you just keep going. Late night calls, a little flirting here and there. As if you are playing but you are not playing.

Sigh. Been there, done that.

In your singleness, as a Christian girl, love Jesus and find God. 

If the virtuous woman is far worth above rubies, then maybe the normal woman is worth rubies. Point is, you are valuable so spend time discovering your value.

Have spiritual goals. Immerse yourself in the word of God. Your value is in Christ. It is only when you look in the mirror of His word that you see your true self. I am not just saying this. Everything I write here is something I am doing, practically. It was not easy fighting my natural self to rise above my mediocre life, and I don’t think I have completed the journey.

I am work in progress, and that is why I can write these things. To let you know that all hope is not lost.

Let's take a break.

Quite frankly, my writing seems a bit all over the place to me today and I know it has to do with my little confession up there about my dear friend. So, I am going to end here, because I know you still got something from what I have shared today.

I will share more on the singleness issue in the next two posts.

Look out for the next post UNTIL LOVE FINDS YOU : RESPECT YOURSELF AND HAVE BOUNDARIES