A VAL'S EVE 💔LETTER TO MARGARET

Dearest Margaret,

I am extremely upset. I knew I was going to write another letter to you today as today marks 2 years since you died, but this is not how I envisaged the letter starting. The plan was for me to go to the beach and sit with myself for a while. You know the complex relationship between the sea and me. And you know that your drowning made that relationship more complex for me.

But I couldn’t go to the beach because I stayed back at work yesterday, into the wee hours of the morning, and when I returned home at 2am, I was too exhausted to lift a finger by 8am. So here I sit in my room, writing this letter.

Today was Maame Serwaa’s funeral. I could not bring myself to go. She was such a beautiful young lady. I used to tease her a lot because I suspected she fancied a certain gentleman in the church. At first, I did not really want to know who it was. But it is the way she blushed each time I brought up the topic. It piqued my curiosity, and you know how I am when that happens. I pried the information out of her without her realising she had told me. 

That led to us having lengthy discussions about how people were rushing into relationships and marriages. We concluded that it was important for us to understand our value as daughters of God and sit pretty because our heavenly Father does not withhold any good thing from us. If a great husband was a good thing, He would not withhold it from us.

She was a fantastic writer. I read her blog Sunny Side and wondered how a young girl possessed so much wisdom. Her words were like the dainty feet of a lady walking in a field of peonies. Could God not have chosen anybody else? You know, some wicked tyrant who needs to get off the surface of this earth!?

She wrote a book about Christian relationships and launched it. I could not attend the launch, so I messaged her to send me a copy of the book. I still don’t have the book. I am not going to pretend we were so close because we were not. I just liked her. On a few occasions, we sat for up to an hour discussing the meaning of life and human relationships.

In the last week, I have been thinking a lot about the uselessness of life. And the futility of man. There is really no hope for people who do not have Jesus and don’t want to have Him. There is no hope for those who do not believe in eternity. Because the way I see this life, some come to suffer so much and just die.

Even those who do not suffer due to poverty or hardship still encounter pain here and there. I know a lot of women married to wealthy men. You’d think they should be happy crying in a Range or Benz but these women just wish their husbands will look at them in a certain way. They tell me all the time. They end up masking their pain with expensive makeup, scents and clothing. But deep within, they are empty and in need of affection.

Margaret, I shall pause here and address my readers. I hope you are happy in Abraham’s bosom. Is that really a thing? Like do you guys rest on his chest in heaven? BRB.

Dearest reader, your pain is never really anybody’s pain except God burdens anybody else to truly empathise with you. The hard lesson I learned over 5 years was “People don’t care”. And I understand -- why should people care? Nobody was born with the task of caring for someone else’s life. People have too much going on in their lives to stop and care about others. That is standard.

I think that is why gratitude is such an important thing. So that when you find anyone in your life giving a hoot about something concerning you, you should express your gratitude often. Nobody owes you care. If you cannot care for yourself and be okay caring for yourself, be there.

Because people do not care, it is your job to find your purpose on earth and execute it. Just do it and go. That is the only way you will have true satisfaction.

But how do I find my purpose, you ask. Simple. Ask God. He sent you here, no? He has the plan, yes? So, go to Him. You may not receive an answer for years. You might find your purpose at a young age. But if you do not ask, you will not receive.

While I have known all my life that I should be a writer, I trivialised it and made so many excuses. How did I know I had to be a writer? As a child I constantly found myself writing stories (sometimes lies) about anything and everything. Behind my Mathematics exercise book, you were likely to find a poem, or a story. Most of the stories I wrote were about my experiences. Sad and painful experiences I was living in my childhood so of course, I could not share those writings with anybody.

Secondly, I was always imagining a story in my head. Many, many times, as I stood in our tiny kitchen doing the dishes, I would drop both dish and sponge and stand with eyes closed and a dreamy look on my face for several minutes. My mum or dad will chance upon me and wonder what was happening to their daughter. They did not know I was telling a story in my head. In my head, I was standing on a stage in front of thousands of people, telling an outrageous story about how I was stranded on an island with no hope of escape, and then out of nowhere, an eagle swooped down and swept me off my feet!

Finally, whenever I have to communicate anything to someone, I find that I think mostly in terms of a letter. At first I thought I was afraid of standing in front of people to speak (well stage-fright has its place). But with time I came to realise that I’m much better at putting my thoughts in writing than speaking them. And of course, anytime I had to speak, I’d write it down first, read it over and over until I could deliver it the way it is written.

So if you are looking for your purpose here on earth, look within and to God. Most definitely, there is something He has placed inside of you that you may be disregarding because you think so many people are already operating in that gift or talent, and there is nothing new you can bring to the table.

But you need to know that there are 7 billion humans walking this earth and there are specific people who will benefit from you using your gift. Until you stop looking down on yourself, you will never stop living an unfulfilled life. Your life, your gift, is the answer to somebody’s problem.

Sincerely, I’m not sure if Margaret ever felt like she was living in her purpose but an aspect of her life was a solution to a problem in my life that she did not even know, herself. Just by being herself, something in my life changed drastically. Sorry, but I cannot share those details with you today. 

Dear readers, don’t wait for people in your life to die before you start writing a tribute. I find the concept of tributes pointless. And most of the time, they are lies. Can you try telling your friends that you appreciate them? Your family? For being there for you. The destiny-helpers that God sent your way, when last did you thank them, genuinely, not because you needed help. Can you let them know? Would you rather stand at their burial service, telling a lifeless body about how amazing they were when you never told them while they could breathe?       

Anyway, Maggie. Loool. I just remembered the video I recorded where I called you Maggie. Mean as you were, you quickly posted it on your Whatsapp status for a random friend of yours to come and insult me. 

I did not go to the gym today. Aside the fact that I was exhausted from work, I did not feel strong enough to face your brothers, and Sandra. Not to talk of running into your parents. 

Did I tell you I started playing tennis with Prince? Between him and Harrison, I’m not sure exactly who looks like you. Instead of focusing on the game, I was staring at him sheepishly as he reminded me so much of you. Of course he won the game, but just by one point.

I checked on the one you loved so dearly. He said today was better, compared to last year. 

I have to go to bed now. It's been a long and emotionally stressful day.