How to Get Over Him and Move On (3)

I am going to assume that you really liked this gentleman. Or you were in love. I also assume that he is the one who broke off the relationship, whether it was an official relationship or a talking stage relationship. 

I am also hoping that you stopped yourself from begging the gentleman. Well done if you stopped yourself. If you did not, hmm, wrap your arms around yourself right now and give yourself a very tight hug. Worse things have happened in this world. You will move on from this. (Read my post on knowing your value)

Here are the practical steps I promised you. They are 6 in total, but you will find 3 here and the other 3 here:

1.   Begin with Jesus. Have a very real conversation with Him. Cry all you can but talk to Him.

Go back and read that again. 

I know you are thinking, "Precious, but you said practical steps!" 

Believe me, I did this, practically from the very first day. As soon as I arrived home after Friend B and I had that conversation, I went to Jesus on my knees. I was very confused. I asked Him so many questions. My conversation with Jesus was something like this:

Why did you let this happen? Why did you even bring him my way? You know I was minding my own business just being friends and not thinking of him that way. I was very okay! So why allow this to happen????

I had a feeling this was going to happen but what confused me more was the fact that he said he had no reason. Was he trying to be kind to me? To save me the hurt I will feel from knowing the truth. Frankly, I preferred the truth. Any a normal person would say he owed me that at the very least. But we cannot control human behaviour. Oh Jesus, my heart hurts a lot.

I can’t believe he hurt me this way. You know I am not hurt so much by the fact that he doesn’t want a relationship. It is how he went about the situation. The withdrawal. Not talking to me until I had to ask what was going on. As though I was some stranger and daft. I thought our friendship meant something to him and he would’ve mustered the courage to talk to me about it. I’m mad at him and HURT!!!!

Oh Jesus, please help me forgive him. I don’t want to harbour unforgiveness in my heart.

I cried a little. But amidst those tears I was asking Jesus to help me heal quickly. Beginning with Jesus is not a one-time event. You keep going to Him. Why? Because He formed your heart. He is the one person who can heal your broken heart, supernaturally.

I went to Him with His word. On days when I felt the most pain, I would pause and say

Lord, your word says that “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed Me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up to bring up/comfort/heal the broken hearted, and to set the captives free.”

Dear Jesus, please, bind my broken heart. I don’t know where else to turn to. You created me and you know the depths of my heart more than anyone. Please, heal me. Give me strength to live each day pleasing you.

2.   Talk to your friends. The ones who you know truly love you.

I have about 3 close friends I know I can rely on for support in times like this. I reached out to them. Be careful to not talk to too many people. Some people merely want to hear your story and will not support you in any way. So, choose the people who deserve to know your story. If you don’t know these people at this stage in your life then dear Christian girl, you have a lot of work to do and you have no business pursuing a romantic relationship towards marriage.

Moving on.

Frankly, on the first day, I did not want to talk to anyone. But I had to distract myself so that I wouldn’t do anything crazy.

I was on the phone for hours to my friend. We were not always talking. She was just present. I have a close male friend too. I normally speak to him for a male perspective on my experiences. These people are precious to me. For so many days they would be on the phone listening to me express my pain and confusion. They held me down.

By the way, they are godly people too. They helped me not harbour bitterness in my heart. If your friends side with you so much and do not encourage you to forgive the gentleman, dear Christian girl, they are not friends you should be keeping. No matter how wrong the gentle man who broke your heart was, your duty as a Christian is to grieve but forgive him (70 x 7 times).

3.    Set an atmosphere in your room and where you spend time the longest.

 In moments of brokenness, the devil sees many entrances to your soul and spirit.

“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Pay attention here. Satan knows that when we are emotionally distraught, our feelings are all over the place and we are looking for an easy way out of the pain. So, while he knows that God is close to the broken-hearted, he will also do his best to tempt you. To feed your mind with evil.

Be careful, because at such an emotional low, the sin that so easily besets you will become very inviting. Even some things that you wouldn’t do on a normal day will also become inviting.

Confession: I was tempted to watch porn. Before you judge me, I do not watch porn. I have never struggled with it like many people do. (It does not mean I don’t have a sin I struggle with, be serious) But porn has never been appealing to me. And so I was very surprised when the thought came to mind.

If you were physically intimate with your ex---which should not be but since young ladies of today fail to listen and play with fire, I must mention it---the natural thing to happen to you is that you will be missing his touch, kisses, and hugs. And you will long for anything close to that.

DO NOT take your phone and call your other ex who has been trying to get to you. God delivered you from that one too for a reason.

You might want to numb the pain by going out with friends you would normally not want to hang with.

Don’t do any of these, darling.

How to save yourself from falling is to set an atmosphere of the word of God or worship or praise. You should have a playlist of sermons that stir up your spirit. You should have worship songs that bring you into God’s presence. If you don’t, pause here and go do that now. Believe me, you will thank yourself later.

Start with the man/woman of God who feeds you at your place of worship. If they do not have digital sermons online, there are many anointed sermons you can find on YouTube or Podcast Addict. I am not here to advertise my pastor, but Bishop Dag Heward-Mills is my pastor, and he has a podcast. That is my plug for setting an atmosphere. I also found that Apostle Joshua Selman’s messages encouraged me a lot in this season.  

They were not sermons on heartbreak. I listened mostly to sermons on prayer, spiritual growth, and eternity principles. That is what your spirit truly needs, believe me. Your soul longs for comfort. But your spirit desperately longs to grow closer to God in this season, just as God Himself wants to be so close to you.

Do this for yourself, dear girl. Because you don’t want your life to go down because of a broken heart. If God is near to the broken-hearted then you should take advantage of His presence and come out of the painful situation looking glorious. People should see something different about you. Not that you will do “the big chop” and start growing your hair all over. Don’t be silly! Rather, do the big chop to your soul and grow into more Christlikeness.

Read Part 4 for the other three practical steps here How to get over him and move on (4)